Death, Introspection, Self Actualization, A Cow

I haven't posted for about a week due to a tragic freak accident in my family involving a motorcycle and a black cow crossing a dark country road. This event, and the necessary and appropriate emotions and time spent with family left me with a lot of things I felt I needed to spend some time with.

When someone dies, people take stock of what they have left. If I died today... what would I regret? Am I happy.. and is that enough? How do you measure a life? I feel a strong sense of my own mortality, and get very introspective. In this specific instance, I made some macabre cow jokes with my husband to self-medicate against the senselessness of the absurd world we live in. Inappropriate, I know. We do what we can to get by. Humans are a very adaptable species. 

At this point in my life I feel pretty ok with who I am and where I'm going. After all, it was only a little over a year ago that I found out I was losing my job and in the midst of the panic and self-doubt I realized I had wasted some years of my life and was not living my life on my terms. 

It was then that I began to redefine my values and accept that I would need to take more risks in order to do what I love. Now my goal is to stabilize and grow my own business to a level at which my husband is able to be liberated from his demanding job with long hours so that we can spend more time together and have the freedom to choose our own path. 

I know we rarely get to choose our demise... but I'd be okay with a shocking, abrupt, and completely unpredicted death by cow. It's senseless and bizarre, but no one is to blame. It's just... one of those things, and maybe.... in a few years, my death would be immortalized in family toasts. The cow was unharmed.